Last Updated on December 19, 2022
PREFERRED PRIVACY, Part 2 by Julie Helms
She sleeps fitfully, if at all, that night, with a looping replay of the day’s surreal events: her own formidable rage and physical strength, the man’s body falling through the air, the paralyzing fear of being discovered. She lies there, awake, her eyes unblinking, the cruise ship pushing through black waters. Did she actually push someone to his death? It is not possible, but she knows it happened. A growing worry prowls in the background: did that busboy really wink at her when he returned her missing page of notes? Was he signaling that he knew the truth? that he could threaten her with it? No; he would not dare to be so bold. In fact, he may not have even read the notes.
Exhausted the next morning, she nevertheless keeps her 8 o’clock breakfast date with a new friend. She brushes off his concern over her appearance and her inattention: “Are you feeling OK. You look awfully tired.”
That afternoon, entirely against her better judgment, she is unable to resist returning to yesterday’s scene, as if to confirm its reality. A small group of curious passengers has gathered on the Sun Deck to examine the location of the so-called accident. They are pointing, speculating, gasping. She nervously but inconspicuously blends in with them. Her heart races when she sees the busboy nearby. Does he also see her? No, he is busy clearing away lunch dishes.
On the final evening of their cruise, several passengers invite her for cocktails on the Sun Deck. The same busboy helps to serve their table. His eyes meet hers momentarily as she glances up at his name badge, “Andre.” It is dark out here under the stars, but she is certain that he has just winked at her again. She is unnerved but then finds relief knowing that the cruise will end tomorrow and that she will probably never see him again.
The process for early morning disembarkation is a well-defined, lock-step procedure that every passenger is required to follow. They are quickly and efficiently guided from ship to tender to shore to bus to Heathrow Airport with little time or opportunity for final good-byes. Standing alone now, she is scanning overhead signs for directions to her airline’s check-in kiosks.
Suddenly, someone’s arm slips through hers. “HUH?” She whirls around, then she involuntarily shouts, “OH!” A few nearby travelers stop and stare for a second. Her face registers shock, then fear, then alarm as she recognizes Andre’s face. He is smiling broadly at her. “You are look for ATM? I am look for ATM too!?”
Within just seconds, her confusion clears as she correctly imagines his obvious purpose. Winking at her on two separate occasions did indeed convey a message, and now she is unmistakenly understanding it.
They walk slowly, together, arm in arm. Her mind is racing. What are her options? Break away toward a uniformed airport worker? Cause a scene by screaming? Call his bluff? Soon they reach a row of ATMs. “Maybe you sell many books? Maybe you make ten thousand dollars? I need ten thousand dollars for to build my house.”
Staring blindly at the money machine, she is tempted to resist, but then quickly calculates the risks of refusing to comply: she would draw unwanted attention; attract security agents; possibly be detained, questioned, even arrested; miss her flight; create unimaginable repercussions at home. She is incredulous that she is being blackmailed by this brazen young man. Ultimately, she decides to cut her losses and fulfill his demands. She struggles to think clearly, recall her account numbers, steady her shaking hands. After 20 minutes, she completes the transfer transaction, and the ten thousand dollar payoff flows into his account. He disappears into the crowd, and she finally boards her flight home, not fully conscious of what she has just done.
She orders a martini. As her plane is crossing the Atlantic, she is trying to focus her thoughts and calmly review her position. Yes, she admits to herself: she has been blackmailed. But, she reasons, not forever. Andre cannot find her. He does not have her personal data. As a busboy, he would not have access to the cruise line’s database. She is safe from any further intimidation or demands. Unless, of course, he has a friend with access to passenger information. But that is improbable. His friends would be other busboys or housekeepers, wouldn’t they?
She decides to look more closely at the page of handwritten notes that Andre had delivered to her that night. She focuses on the incriminating portion, her little note to herself inserted between the narrative of that day. She shields the page from the sight of the passenger sitting beside her.
ʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌ
Evening, April 10: Today we visited Inverness, Scottish Highlands. Went into a cathedral. Then went shopping. Purchased small heather sachets, a book for Thomas, a Harris tweed scarf for Ethan.
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Note to self: I think I’m being stalked by some creepy loud-mouth jerk. He just approached me again and tried to initiate another ridiculous conversation. Too stupid to take no for an answer. A royal pain in the ass…seriously interfering with my enjoyment of this trip. Next time, I will make him go away…permanently. Tomorrow morning we reach the Orkney Islands. Friends of friends will meet me there and give me a private tour. Can’t wait.
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ʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌʌ
She carefully replaces the page in its proper sequence, finishes a second martini, and dozes off.
She returns to work, still haunted by visions of that catastrophic day. At first, her work suffers from her state of distraction. She is embarrassed when colleagues discover her mistakes or forgetfulness. But over the ensuing weeks and months, the horror of her crime begins to recede in her thoughts, and she begins to justify her reckless deed, rationalizing that she had a right to protect her enjoyment of an expensive vacation. A year passes. At last she is confident that Andre will never again contact her or extort more money.
She books another cruise.