Just Don’t Look

I am breaking my own personal rule and writing about a topic that I studiously avoid: Aging. (Which, I will be the first to admit, is a little weird, given the readership of this website.)

Enough, already, on the topic of aging! Enough feel-good advice and stay-safe instruction. I am not interested in learning how to sneak more bran into my diet. Nor do I worry about stumbling over my area rugs. And I refuse to count every blessed step I take. These topics do not concern me.

The realities of aging that actually do bother me don’t fit into the feel-good and stay-safe literature. I’m talking crepey skin and deforming toes. They bother me. I’m talking cellulite that’s gone from dimply to droopy. That really bothers me. I’m talking thinning and lifeless hair. I’m talking warty, flaky, patchy, bumpy, scaly things on my skin. I’m talking eyebrows that suddenly have a mind of their own. (Remember Andy Rooney?) These inevitable tragedies of aging have no remedy except maybe botox or cosmetic surgery or dermabrasion. But these fixes are temporary at best, because gravity and UV rays, after all, are always at work. Besides, I’m too chicken, too cheap, and not quite vain enough to try them. For the conditions that bother me, no credible, permanent, affordable cures exist. And I cannot make my peace with them no matter how much I love my spiritual self or embrace my inner child.

However … and here’s the good news … there is a solution, and it’s hiding in plain sight: I don’t look at myself! It’s simple. It’s easy. It costs nothing. I just don’t look at myself, either in a mirror or in person. I can go into a ladies’ room, take care of business, wash up, and never glance in the mirror. Once in a while, I inadvertently catch a glimpse of my face, and for a split second, I think “Who the hell is THAT?”

My hair is cut short enough that I don’t need to see where it’s at or what it’s doing. I awake, I run my fingers through it, and I’m done without looking. It’s fashionably spiked without even trying. My little supply of makeup is drying out and collecting dust. I use only lip gloss which does not require a mirror to apply. Neither does putting my earrings on. I have an internal GPS and good enough muscle memory in my fingers and earlobes to know approximately where they go.

So, for me, that’s the ticket. I just don’t look at myself. Yes, it is difficult to resist taking the occasional peek, but I am breaking that habit before it breaks my heart.

Submitted by Julie Helms